Rules tell you what not to do. Etiquette is what makes people want to talk to you. Good chat room etiquette is the difference between being ignored and being welcomed back with a chorus of hellos every time you log in. (If you haven’t yet, read the House Rules guide first.)
Here are the habits that help new members settle in fast at Intrigue Chat, and keep regulars glad to see them.
Walk in and say hello
A simple “Hi everyone!” goes a long way. It tells the room you’re friendly and open to conversation.
Then join the conversation that’s already happening. Respond to what people are talking about rather than starting something completely unrelated. Regulars notice newcomers who make an effort, and they’ll start to greet you by name surprisingly quickly.
Read the room
Every room has its own mood, and good chat etiquette means adapting to it. What works on a busy Friday night might fall flat on a quiet Tuesday afternoon.
- Check the room topic and description when you enter – they tell you the theme and any house rules.
- Match the mood. A light, joking moment isn’t the time for a long personal story.
- Follow the room’s rules on adult content and media.
- If a serious conversation is happening, give it space before cracking jokes.
Private message manners
Private messages are where friendships and flirtations grow – and also where most bad experiences happen. A little care goes a long way.
- Chat publicly first, then ask: “Mind if I PM you?”
- Respect a no, or no reply. Don’t send repeated messages.
- Never open with explicit messages or pictures.
- If someone has a partner or a dynamic, respect it.
- End conversations kindly – a quick “got to go, nice chatting” is better than vanishing.
Flirt with respect
A little flirting is part of the appeal at Intrigue Chat. Good flirting makes both people feel good.
- Take cues from the other person and match their energy.
- Keep it playful and light at first.
- Compliment personality and wit, not just looks.
- Back off gracefully if they’re not interested – no guilt trips.
Use GIFs, emojis and music in moderation
A well-timed GIF is great. Ten in a row drowns out everyone else. The same goes for caps lock (which reads as shouting), emoji walls and constant music requests. Aim to add to the conversation, not take it over.
Include people
The best rooms are the ones where everyone feels seen.
- Welcome newcomers and answer their questions.
- Mention quieter members by name to bring them into the conversation.
- Avoid in-jokes that shut others out, or explain them.
- Don’t hold two-person conversations in public chat for too long – take them to PM.
Handle disagreements privately
Clashes happen in every community. How you handle them matters.
If you disagree with someone, keep it about the topic, not the person. If it gets heated, step away. Use the block option if you need to, or ask a member of staff to help. Never drag the whole room into an argument – it spoils the evening for everyone.
Respect the Room Keepers
Room Keepers keep the room running smoothly. Thank them, follow their lead, and give them the benefit of the doubt. If you have a concern, raise it politely in private.
Look after yourself
Take breaks, don’t share more personal information than you’re comfortable with, and trust your instincts. If a conversation doesn’t feel right, you can leave it. Our online safety tips guide has more advice.
Quick chat room etiquette checklist
- Say hello when you arrive.
- Read the room topic.
- Ask before you PM.
- Respect boundaries and relationships.
- Don’t spam or flood.
- Include newcomers.
- Support the staff and the room’s theme.
- Be kind – everyone’s here to have fun.
Frequently asked questions
Is it rude to PM someone without asking?
On Intrigue Chat, yes. Chat in the room first, then ask before you send a private message.
How do I become a regular?
Turn up often, greet people, join in the conversation and follow the rules. People quickly remember friendly faces.
What if nobody replies to me?
Don’t take it personally. Rooms can be busy or quiet. Stay, join in with what’s being discussed, and try again later.
Is typing in capitals rude?
Usually, yes – it reads as shouting. Use it sparingly for emphasis.
Put your manners into practice. Join Intrigue Chat and say hello in Intrigue Bar And Lounge. Keep the mystery. Lose the drama.